Have you ever found yourself in one of these situations?
- Leaving an unbearable job and then to seek a new one, only to receive one rejection after another, with your savings starting to deplete.
- Having a fantastic career trajectory, only to receive some harsh and very public feedback from your team that you need to deal with and progress through.
- Your business is flourishing and then your best client decides to use another supplier and you realise that your company can’t survive without them.
How did you cope? The truth is that you don’t know how resilient you are until you experience situations that you need to bounce back from. It’s only then that you start to develop your resilience muscle. I find that my coaching clients are often very hard on themselves for not being resilient enough; they think that they should immediately bounce back from difficulties.
It’s very natural to be down in the dumps if you have a disappointment or rejection, however as you develop your resilience you can shorten the duration of that down time. It’s unrealistic for it to disappear completely, after all, you are only human.
A resilient leader is a person who sees failures as temporary setbacks they can recover from quickly. They maintain a positive attitude and a strong sense of opportunity even in difficult times. When faced with uncertainty, a resilient leader finds ways to move forward and avoids getting stuck. Many studies have indicated the importance of resilience as both an individual and leadership trait.
I definitely believe that resilience can be taught and is essential in the volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous times in which we live. The true grit of a leader is not how they perform during the good times but how they display emotional strength, courage and professionalism during the most trying times.
Leading psychologist, Martin Seligman, says the way that we explain setbacks to ourselves is important. (He talks in terms of optimism and pessimism rather than resilience, however the effect is essentially the same.) This “explanatory style” is made up of three main elements:
Permanence – People who are optimistic (and therefore have more resilience,) see the effects of bad events as temporary rather than permanent. For instance, they might say “My boss didn’t like the work I did on that project” rather than “My boss never likes my work.”
Pervasiveness – Resilient people don’t let setbacks or bad events affect other unrelated areas of their lives. For instance, they would say “I’m not very good at this,” rather than “I’m no good at anything.”
Personalisation – People who have resilience don’t blame themselves when bad events occur. Instead, they see other people, or the circumstances as the cause. For instance, they might say “I didn’t get the support I needed to finish that project successfully,” rather than “I messed that project up because I can’t do my job.”
I’d like to share with you a helpful tool to develop your resilience that I use when delivering resilience training in organisations: I have, I am, I can. Here is it in more detail:
I have – Think about what you have in your life, what is a secure base for you and what external
resources you have access to. Such as:
• Trusting relationships
• Structure and rules
• Role models
• Encouragement to be autonomous
• Access to health, education and benefits.
I am – Consider what inner strength and self-belief you have. What are your beliefs about yourself,
how confident are you? Such as:
• Loving, emphatic and altruistic
• Proud of myself
• Autonomous and responsible
• Filled with hope, faith and trust.
I can – Reflect on your interpersonal skills and what you have that you can make use of. How can your network help, how are your relationships? Such as:
• Problem solve
• Manage my feelings and impulses
• Gauge the temperament of myself and others
• Seek trusting relationships.
This process enables you to recognize your qualities, attributes, skills and support network. A speaker at an event I attended recently, described herself as a bouncy ball, ‘the harder you throw me down, the higher I bounce back up.’ Using I Have, I Am, I Can, will definitely enhance your ability to bounce forward from setbacks.
Further Resources to support you on your road the becoming more resilient:
WEBINAR: How to Bounce Forward from Setbacks on 14th September at 12pm (replay will be
ONLINE: Personal Resilience in an hour https://www.udemy.com/personal-resilience-in-an-hour/?couponCode=40%25discount
BOOK: Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheyl Sandberg
WORKBOOK: Emotional Resilience Workbook http://www.working-minds.org.uk/documents/emotional-resilience-workbook.pdf
EVENT: Life in Balance 2 Day Retreat, 10-11th November. Watch a video describing the model that underpins it http://www.jennygarrett.global/how-do-you-know-if-your-life-is-in-balance/
ONLINE: Our Online Professional and Self-Development Programmes, have a secret Facebook accountability group connected with them [10 mins per day]
Happenista Project Step 1 https://www.udemy.com/the-happenista-project/
Happenista Project Step 2 https://www.udemy.com/happenista-project-step2/
Happenista Project Step 3 https://www.udemy.com/the-happenista-project-step-3/
EVENT: Why Perseverance Matters – dates to be announced soon.
WEBINAR: How to Build Unshakeable Self Confidence on 12th October at 12pm (Replay will be available for those who register) https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/webinar-how-to-build-unshakeable-confidence-tickets-45680884756?aff=eac2
In case you missed it:
BLOG: Our Apprentice Natalia, wrote a blog about our experience of attending the Women in Apprenticeships Conference, which you can read here http://www.jennygarrett.global/celebration-of-women-in-apprenticeships/
BLOG: Representing my social enterprise Rocking Ur Teens, I attended the Commandants Parade, here’s what I learned about careers in the armed forces http://rockingurteens.com/the-only-thing-uniform-about-the-armed-forces-is-the-uniform/